I haven’t yet decorated the first page of the paper journal
but I did write a page and yes, I remember how it siphons off left-over
emotions. My concern for Hollie overrides routine matters. It looks like Chuck
has abandoned her. My fear is that he has spent the fire insurance money on his
boat and where does that leave her? Practically homeless. Today is museum duty
and it’s been interesting this season. Lots of visitors. My life is full and satisfying.
‘Am I not old yet not half perfect?”
Mary Oliver - Messenger
Oh that rings true for me. Just this morning I had a problem
expressing myself to the young man who came to fix my phone line. Sometimes I
speak too quickly and then have to go back and restate the event. I had hoped
that maturing would mean that somehow I would have mastery over communication.
Alas, no. It doesn’t seem to have happened. All my life I have had a fear of
being misunderstood and that continues even though I have learned to slow down
and think before I speak most of the time. It doesn’t take much stress for me
to lose words or trains of thought. Then
I feel old and tired. That “age-related” label is odious at best and an excuse
at worst.
Advice on Facebook: “You have criticized yourself enough,
try compliments instead and see what happens.”
It’s not usual to hear positives from my inner dialogue and this was
kind of a task at first but I carried on for about five minutes. I acknowledge
people. Seems small but it makes a difference to the others. I’m good at
brain-storming plans and knowing where I can fit in. I’m realistic about my abilities
and skills. People trust me because I do what I say I’ll do. My friends know I
support them and listen attentively. I’m always ready to give a compliment and
I remember to ask about specifics. That helps people feel connected. I support
my tiny church congregation out of loyalty and deep roots. t
That’s enough. Okay. I may often feel old and not half
perfect but I take my place in my community and do it with vigor.
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