Day 188

I am mentally stimulated by new activities and the participation with the Dems has been a good one for new connections. Yesterday was the first well day in a month and I enjoyed every minute of it. Today smoke is back and that will curtail being outside. I have errands and obligations that I will take care of in spite of the poor air quality. The whole area is covered with the pall of sadness, loss, and danger.  I long for rain

Day 187

Woke up stiff and achy. Need my exercise routine. I lose fitness rapidly. I walked yesterday but slowly. My zip is gone for now. The top of my philosophy is family first and that starts with me. I must take care of myself and exercises keep my body working well. Today is museum duty. Lots of visitors last week and that makes it fun. I enjoy travel stories. People enjoy our collection. Later is the barbecue committee meeting. Kevin is a taskmaster.

Day 186

I called Eileen yesterday and we had a long deep conversation about all sorts of life things. Today an invitation to join Karen and Rosalie on Friday came in a text message. I love my connections. Today I want to connect with my domestic energy as the floors are dusty and dog hair piles up in little tornados that fly in front of the broom. I’d like to catch up on my paper journal too. And get outside if the smoke allows.

Day 185

Smoky and likely to be for a long time. After senior center duty, I’m going to Ace hardware to pick up a reel lawn mower for Megan’s yard. The grass is high and dry. My lawn people won’t go back there to mow. Maybe Joel will trim the hedge too. I’m going to walk early again. As long as I can look up and see blue sky and the wind is toward the north, I’m going outside. Everybody is feeling the smoke.

Day 184

Half year inventory: conscious aging group was successful and will start a new one, story group is alive and well, busy with the democratic central committee, keeping up with my volunteer duties, taking care of myself with exercise and nutrition, enjoying my home, dogs, and yard, being support for my family, and grateful for every day. I don’t have anything to add or subtract, just keep it up and be mindful of opportunities to participate in everything. Onward toward new years’ day.

Day 183

Friday was a day off. I didn’t do anything and enjoyed every minute of it. I walked to visit Carol and Gene and was rewarded with beautiful Big Flat tomatoes. They are such dear people and both sick with cancer. They keep going and are an example of keeping on with living. Today, if the smoke allows, Hollie and I will go to market. I will buy fruit. Megan went to Eureka after work yesterday. She needed girl time with the Sarahs.  

Day 182

Two walks outside yesterday and I loved it! The smoke will be back today as the wind is from the north again. Brookings is in serious danger. I have no agenda today except get the BOS timeline to Kevin. There was not much business and I left early so that won’t take long. I promised to find a trap to get rid of the squirrel. It keeps getting in Megan’s house. The squirrel is bolder, faster and smarter than all the dogs.

Day 181

My breathing was bad yesterday and Karen noticed and gave me an inhaler. It helped a lot. The smoke may be around for a long time so I’m glad to have a way to breathe easily. The barbecue committee is done with planning and we are ready as we can be for the event. What we need most is lots of people to attend. Today is senior center duty. It’s damp out and the air may be clear enough for a walk. 

Day 180

I miss walking outside but wisdom demands sacrifices for health. I used my mask walking to the BOS yesterday and will as I walk to the museum. Don’t know how much it helps but the air smells better through the mask. Joan Butler says I am pre-diabetic with a tiny number over the line so that watching my diet should be enough to control any escalation. The hard part will be giving up fruit especially summer fruits that I have been enjoying.

Day 179

Another gloomy day with terrible air quality. I do have a particulate mask now that was distributed by the doctors’ office. It’s cold and I turned on the heater because there is no sunlight. I will go to the board of supervisors meeting. Nothing on the agenda seems to jump out. Maybe it will be quick and uneventful. The story group women are asking to start meeting again. I’ll schedule us for September 14^th. First get through the barbecue for the Dems.

Day 178

Inside most of yesterday and likely again today. The smoke is causing symptoms and I do not feel well. I am planning to do senior center duty and that’s all. The fire is not going away soon. The eclipse is not going to be visible and I’m going to watch it on TV. Joel will repaint the door. I suggested reading labels. Wish I had some insights or deep meaning about life to write about. No such luck. Oh well, another day.

Day 177

I will go to church this morning and that is all. Too smoky to be outside. Yesterday we walked to market and I walked to the store. Both times the air seemed okay but it wasn’t wise. Had a shock when I saw that Joel had painted the outside door yellow! He is willing but incompetent. I’ll talk to him this morning and see that he understands that the door needs to be painted with external gray paint to match the walls.

Day 176

Walking outside was not healthy yesterday and won’t be today. The smoke is heavy and ashes are falling on the skylights. It makes the whole atmosphere sad and gloomy. So much loss and danger. I did get the house clean yesterday and lots of laundry. I like to wash the dog beds when they are at the groomer. Clean dogs, clean beds. I do need to shop for groceries so I may drive to the farmers’ market. It’s weird to stay inside.

Day 175

Smoky brown sun. Today has a lightweight agenda. Dog wash at 8 and that’s all. I’m hoping the domestic energy shows up. The floors need help. I may walk down to Home Depot and look at rugs. This old one is looking shabby and doesn’t look better after I vacuum. Soon the story group will meet again and I like the house to look inviting. Rosalie and I are talking about moving the story group into a conscious aging group. Might work.

Day 174

All was accomplished. I enjoyed all the parts yesterday. I like participating in the Dem committee. Seems I need a variety of people and activities to keep stimulated and engaged. Today is senior center duty and I will be a busy bee making sure everyone is happy. I’ll get outside for walking and weeding. Every sunny day reminds me that it will rain again and I had better enjoy it while it’s available. No extra activities today. Might even rest this afternoon.

Day 173

Dr. E. says my eye pressure is great and stable. Keep doing what I’m doing  Joan was shocked when I showed her the mislabeled prescription. I now have one done right. The insurance company doesn’t want to pay for the diabetic testing kit she ordered. I want to manage myself now and not get to the diabetic stage. I’d think the company would want me to do that. Today is museum duty, Karen for massage, and then a Dem barbecue committee meeting.

Day 172

Yesterday was busy and I did it all! Back in the groove. Long interesting Dem meeting plus barbecue meeting. I’m glad to be an involved member. Today I will go to Dr. E. for an eye pressure check and a quick step through Walmart. Later I will see Joan Butler for a medical check-up. Just items of follow-through left over from Deb Tyler’s incompetent care. I want a correctly labeled prescription and pre-diabetic information that she said I needed six months ago.

Day 171

Right now I’m planning a regular day with the hope that my energy will last. Fr. David prayed over me. I said I had entertained this flu bug long enough. I went from cold to warm immediately.  I did slump and napped for a whole lot of the Giants game. I walked to the store for dog cookies to save my happy home. They know when it’s 8 PM and that’s cookie time. I want my health back. Too much lost time.

Day 170

Church this morning. Fr. David is coming and I enjoy his service. I miss communion when we are priestless.  Another good nights’ sleep, I’m feeling better. Not 100%  but close. I want to get out for a walk later. Too much sitting and napping time and I lose my fitness fast. No deep thoughts to share, just gratitude for my choices and how my life is working. The coming week will be routine with duties that fit my skills, time, and motivation.

Day 169

I saw the video. https://paulcritz.wixsite.com/mysite and enjoyed it. Helping with the young people was fun. I slept well last night and feel so much better this morning. It’s dripping wet but we will walk to the market later. My appetite is back too and I want fruit. Looking forward to time with Hollie and Megan. That’s all the agenda. I’m still not noticing the dusty floors. Not quite enough energy for doing housework. Maybe I’ll find a good old movie to enjoy.

Day 168

I took a short walk and push the buttons on the dishwasher and washer. That was it for my energy. I am better though not well yet. I also did the reminder calling for the Dem committee and mainly talked to voice mail. I dislike missing out on anything and this cold has been discouraging. My immune system has been doing well with the advice from Dr. Getty and I’m taking acidophilus every day and yogurt too. I want a healthy life.

Day 167

Staying home again today. I am better but feeling fragile especially my head. The sad thing is I won’t join Karen and Rosalie at Port O Pints for an afternoon of laughing together. Spectrum brought a new cable box and checked everything out. Half a dozen rain drops fell in response to the thunder that Minnie reported at 3:40. I did get back to sleep for another hour. I may poke around the house to find a place to sort and separate. 

Day 166

Sicker now with the addition of a UTI. Miserable night. I wanted to stay in bed and turn on TV and the cable box won’t turn on. Did buy a new coffee pot and it worked just fine. The meeting yesterday was well attended. Oxford house won with applause from everyone present. Gitlin lost his hate plan. Bar O Ranch lost. I’m sad but expected it. Not enough boys to keep it going. I’m glad I was there even coughing and sneezing.

Day 165

Yesterday started positively and slid downhill by evening with cold symptoms that escalated during the night. This morning my coffee pot quit. I have a stash of coffee bags that will never replace coffee but  get the caffeine into the system. BOS this morning and I must go as I’m the one who recruited a ton of folks to be there. Joel painted the tank and stand with the marine paint. It should last a long time even in our briny atmosphere. 

Day 164

Interesting conversations at the fair booth. I find that I have a lot of information to offer because I pay attention to what’s up in the community. I like participating in local politics. I’ll get the routine done early starting with stretches, and exercise. I’m ready to get the nutrition part back on track, not that I indulge in junk food, but that I want to corral my appetite. The refrigerator is full of vegetables and fruit. That’s the place for mindfulness.

Day 163

Restful nights’ sleep and interesting dreams. Wish I could remember the details. I wake up smiling and I know it was a busy active dream. Hollie and I enjoyed the four mile walk to the market and home with our goodies and a quart of paint. We always find lots to talk about. I moved bale material around the gladiola patch and emptied the lettuce bowl. It was through and bolting. It was wonderful to go out and cut fresh lettuce leaves.

Day 162

After a delicious breakfast and friendly conversation, Rosalie and I saw the pigs, rabbits, flowers, and quilts before I went to the booth. It was busy there and lots of talks with the fairgoers. Only a couple of nasty comments from supporters of the nameless one. Today Hollie and I will go to the farmers’ market at the harbor and get the paint. Megan is going to see her friends so we will take her shopping list. I want fruit and vegetables

Day 161

After Renner”s I went to the marine supply store and ordered paint. A very nice clerk told me how to sand, clean, and paint the new tank and stand. Now I have to find someone to do it! This morning I’m having breakfast with Rosalie. Haven’t seen her all summer and I’m looking forward to catching up with her news. Then we will go to the fair and I will stay at the democrat’s booth for two hours. I enjoy senior day.

Day 160

I’ll walk down to Renner’s with the $1093.96 check for the new kerosene tank and stand. Egads. I kept the other one painted but the relentless briny air ate it anyway. This one will last as long as I need it. Wonder how easy it is not to be a homeowner and let the landlord pick up the bills. It is constant. I wrote one poem prompt write and Mary Oliver provides so many thought provoking lines that I will respond again.

Day 159

I haven’t yet decorated the first page of the paper journal but I did write a page and yes, I remember how it siphons off left-over emotions. My concern for Hollie overrides routine matters. It looks like Chuck has abandoned her. My fear is that he has spent the fire insurance money on his boat and where does that leave her? Practically homeless. Today is museum duty and it’s been interesting this season. Lots of visitors.  My life is full and satisfying.

‘Am I not old yet not half perfect?”

Mary Oliver - Messenger

Oh that rings true for me. Just this morning I had a problem expressing myself to the young man who came to fix my phone line. Sometimes I speak too quickly and then have to go back and restate the event. I had hoped that maturing would mean that somehow I would have mastery over communication. Alas, no. It doesn’t seem to have happened. All my life I have had a fear of being misunderstood and that continues even though I have learned to slow down and think before I speak most of the time. It doesn’t take much stress for me to lose words or trains of thought.  Then I feel old and tired. That “age-related” label is odious at best and an excuse at worst. 

Advice on Facebook: “You have criticized yourself enough, try compliments instead and see what happens.”  It’s not usual to hear positives from my inner dialogue and this was kind of a task at first but I carried on for about five minutes. I acknowledge people. Seems small but it makes a difference to the others. I’m good at brain-storming plans and knowing where I can fit in. I’m realistic about my abilities and skills. People trust me because I do what I say I’ll do. My friends know I support them and listen attentively. I’m always ready to give a compliment and I remember to ask about specifics. That helps people feel connected. I support my tiny church congregation out of loyalty and deep roots. t

That’s enough. Okay. I may often feel old and not half perfect but I take my place in my community and do it with vigor.

Day 158

Foggy first day of August. That’s usual when the valley is sizzling. I enjoyed the Dem meeting and found ways to add to the plans for the barbecue. I like being on the committee. Must get back my domestic goddess mojo. Then I will have earned my massage with Sarah.The taxes are finally filed after I told Jeff that unfinished business makes me anxious. The new paper journal is sitting open on the table. I want to get back to daily pages.